Joy versus Happiness versus Exuberance
Lately, I have been reading a lot about joy, happiness and
exuberance. As a spiritual director, I work with people who really want to
experience these emotional states and people who have committed to discovering
what these states mean.
For me, joy and happiness reside separately, in different
locations, in my emotional life. I can feel deep joy for life and not
necessarily be happy in the moment. I have fostered a great exuberance for life
over the years but I doubt people who know me would describe me as exuberant. As
always in these situations, it comes down to definitions.
In a quick definition search of joy, happiness and exuberance, I
was intrigued by the vagueness in describing something humans strive for
regularly.
Joy: the
emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of
possessing what one desires; delight; the
expression or exhibition of such emotion; gaiety
Happiness:The quality or state of being
happy, delighted, pleased or glad over a particular thing. Good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.
Exuberance: the quality or
state of being exuberant and joyously unrestrained and
enthusiastic <exuberant praise>
<an exuberant personality>
If we are continually striving for happiness in some form or
another, shouldn’t we be able to talk about it more often? I am intrigued by
why sadness and darkness are such ripe territories for conversation when joy
and even happiness are can get glossed over.
I have noticed that when in a group, it is very easy for people to
naturally support someone who is struggling with something in their lives – as
compassionate people we are often quick to offer a listening ear, support,
wanted or unwanted advice. At the same time, when some who is happy, joyful and
even exuberant walks into the same group, it is difficult to offer external
support. We dismiss them as not needing support, even treating the state
they’re in as a luxury. Where do we go when we feel joy and happiness, how do
we let others know and why do we feel guilty sharing our happiness?
Rev. Amanda Aikman says in an article on Rational Exuberance “One
of the reasons exuberance is frowned upon in our society is that those who are
exuberant are generally regarded as lightweight, lacking in gravitas,
somehow childlike. Because of the suspicious attitude towards exuberance that
we have inherited, because of the grownup attitude we have adopted, or because
of sadnesses in our lives, or social pressures, we may not be able to become
exuberant as ourselves. We may need to step entirely out of our usual
persona to let ourselves be exuberant.”1
I wonder if we sometimes deny ourselves true happiness, joy or
even exuberance in the name of wanting to be seen, wanting to connect. Do we
sabotage our own happiness in service of being taken seriously, of seeming
grounded and approachable rather than being seen as flighty, disingenuous or
unapproachable. Do we assume that someone who struggles has more gravitas
than someone who experiences ongoing joy?
This exploration of joy, happiness and exuberance calls out one of
the most significant pieces in our struggle for happiness – just what is
happiness for you? For some it is work, for some it is freedom from work. For
most of us it is rooted deeply in purposefulness and feeling aligned with our
true purpose.
Knowing what allows us experience ongoing joy can require
unearthing our selves from the heap of expectations and dreams that have been
put on top of us. It can require thoughtfulness and intention, but ultimately
is a goal worthy of our efforts.
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1 Rational Exuberance by Rev. Amanda Aikman,
Quest for Meaning, July 2012
